With A Smile


There’s something magical about this Eraserheads song – that I feel a concoction of bliss and nostalgia whenever I double click it. Well, it just consumes 4.26 MB of my storage and plays for about 4 minutes and 50 seconds, but its capacity to tweak my emotion in a dramatic way is incredible – enough to give life to this article on one lazy Sunday morning.

I had no choice but write while waiting for her message from the other end of the line. And since people are generally in hiatus every Sunday, I had the notion that she’ll be up not earlier than 10:00 AM. So instead of counting the ticking of the clock before my sleeping beauty wakes up, I busied myself contemplating – and the result is something that needs your opinion at the comment section.

‘Buddy’ – our secret code. We became buddies since the time we found out that both of us dreamed of going to Japan. And it’s but proper to say that we are doing our best to make it happen, on the sly, since we are a very private kind. PDA is not our style.

I’ve always been reluctant to believe the extraordinary – except for aliens’ existence, ghosts’ reality, and beauty and the beasts’ probability. This is the reason why I am still puzzled until now with how time and serendipity connived to come up with a good concept – of being ‘us.’ And it gives me the chills in a good way trying to recall the very first time I said, ‘I love you’ only to get the same reply – what a Utopian dream!  And from time to time we simply ask, ‘anyare?’- the most awkward question to answer ever.

Months passed, but there isn’t any sign of boredom despite of the redundancy in our conversations. We don’t usually say ‘good night’ in the evening – we are either disconnected from Facebook chat or remain online without saying anything – and it’s understood that we’re dead to the world.

I’m not saying that we’re perfect. In fact, we have a pattern of misunderstandings like a viscous circle. Still, we believe that variety is the spice of life. And talking about memories together, here’s the reality: As lovers we have less. As friends we have much. Our friendship stood still – the reason why we have a very strong foundation for our relationship.

‘Lift your head. Baby, don’t be scared of the things that could go wrong along the way. You’ll get by with a smile,’ the vocalist started the song with an assurance of ‘safety.’ And I don’t know how many times it had been playing since I started writing this article. Normally, a music playing in the background doesn’t help me finish my writing – it just distracts – but not this time.

Yes, the music kept playing in the background. And it kept reminding me that I am safe in the hands of the person I called ‘mine.’ Regardless of what makes a relationship very unbecoming, we managed it the way we wanted it to be. We do not fish for compliments. Hence, sometimes we have evasive answers to questions that might destroy all that we have started building.

And no, this isn’t beginner’s luck. We are in this relationship not to follow someone’s bidding against our will. We simply live each moment loving each other – being God as the center.

And the song simply ended with a hum… do-do-doo… do-do-doo.. which reflects our simplicity of having a goal of making each other smile daily.

I may not be the most deserving guy for her. But my homicidal attempt to have her charted our destiny together. Yes, we will be meeting under the cherry blossoms soon.


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